I woke up crying

I wrote the following for the man that I am in love with and have been for close to 5 years now. I wrote this about being away from him when he was in prison. He changed his life for me and for his family. I couldn't love him anymore than what I do right now.

For Nathan

I woke up crying

I woke up crying knowing,
open eyes would not present me
The vision that I crave, as I long each night to be
Pinned down by the weight of you as iris blue collide
I woke up crying, knowing,
you were not lying by my side.

As I am hiding, waiting
under covers through the night
Tears falling on my pillow, rolling silent is my plight
Calling to my lover and until lover replies . .
I will always greet the morning,
with tears staining my eyes.

Bella Magic

To Stain the Soil

I have had a few days off - got lost in the long weekend. The first poem I am posting I wrote after seeing the Twin Towers fall.

To Stain the Soil

How are we meant to comprehend the tragic loss of life?
when we are told of hundreds murdered, by a martyrs sacrifice?
How do we still the hatred, fuelled by this constant grief?
Does every country have a hero, does every country have a theif?
How do we stem the flow of blood that's staining all soil red?
If, in life, we fight the difference, do we rest peaceful once we're dead?

Bella Magic

One or the Other

I remember my Dad telling me when I was a young lass that "a hundred people will come for a party love, but only one or two will stay to help clean up" and that "at the end of the day, there is only you". I wrote this poem to relfect those feelings, because, it's true. At the end of the day, it is our decision to make whether we go forward or we stay and dwell in situations less fortunate. It's always better to move forward!! I have learnt that firsthand. If you can't pick yourself up, no-one else can.

"At the end of the day -there is only me!"

One of the Other

If people in life let you down - do something for yourself
Live high in crowded places or live low, there's no-one else
If you find no satisfaction from those who circle round
Breathe positive, stay standing or breathe negative, hit the ground
If you find that rock bottom is not the greatest place to be
learn from life, own your choices - learn not, cry woe is me!
If wrong turns seem unavoidable and there is nothing going right
accept blame, THEN stand in sunshine - if not - don't sleep at night
If your days are hard to face, choose the comfort of your bed
time's a gift - leave it unopened or see what it is instead
if winter's cold and summer's hot, do we wait for a different season?
brave elements simply because they are there, and have their reason.
If memories face and people leave and we're left with what we know
self belief will take you place self doubt CAN NEVER go
If you have lost direction to the highest point, unseen
give up hope - prepare to settle. HOLD HOPE - keep safe your dream
if confusion reigns and your face is pushed into inept
ask hard questions, get your answers - don't ask and you'll regret.
If your journey's long and laboured, steal all respect for life
glass half full - toast with spoon. Glass half empty - break with knife.

Bella Magic

Not so Much

I'm doubling again. Um-ahh. Today I am posting two poems. They were written a couple of years back now. A point of view about life and human nature. About how hard, but in the same respect, also very necessary it is to stay positive. I'm not sure if these will reflect this opinion, but I believe, that most of the time, it is not other people that let us down, it is the expectations that we have on them. Most of us are very hard on ourselves, but without realising it, we can be very hard on those around us. Most of the time, we all try to do the best we can in any given situation, making decisions based on experience and because it is impossible to experience everything, sometimes we get things wrong. Some of the worst mistakes can come from the best of intentions.

I have taught myself not to judge others, secretly holding onto the hope that this means others will not judge me.

Not So Much

It's not so much we need only love ourselves
for most of us, for most our lives, seek love from someone else.
It's not so much that we need only make it on our own,
for most of us, for most our lives, don't want to be alone.

It is more so, with expectant eyes, we must not look around
for it's the unexpected action that can let us down.
We bury truth so deep within, we lie to ourselves, more than each other
and it's the natural emotion that we fear, so thus we smother.

It's not so much that need to tell ourselves we're wrong
for most of us, for most our lives, lay where we don't belong.
It's not so much that we need only see in black and white
for most of us, for most our lives, choose a different wrong or right.

It is more so that we dare not put all our faith in one
for it will be that power held that causes us to run.
We seek love and happiness, not in ourselves, but in each other
and it is the natural emotion that we fear, so thus we smother.

Bella Magic

Smile

Today I am going for short and sweet. I wrote this one in highschool when I was about 14 years old, for a friend who was having a bad day. A couple of years later I read it on B105 ( a radio station) for some 10 sec fame competition they were having and won $105. So there you go!

Smile

Smile for me, I love you
Chase your blues away
If not for me, smile for all
who share your everyday

Smile for all the sunshine
for it doesn't look like rain
but should it storm, still smile
for the sun will shine again

Smile for all you are
and all that you will be
Tomorrow is a brand new day
My friend, won't you smile for me

Bella Magic

Blanket Box

Today I am posting a poem about my biological grandmother. When the beautiful person I'd known as my Nanna passed in 2000, it was discovered that my mother had been adopted. After some research we found that her mother had died, under suspicious circumstances when she was 33. She left behind 6 children, all of whom had been adopted out. She fell down the backstairs of a then bakery in Springhill.

I took my mother to see the house where her mother had once been and that night I had a dream about a bedroom. When I woke up I wrote this. When I read it over, I realise it is just a fancy way of saying that no matter what I may discover, I will never have the chance to know who she was.

Blanket Box

A chipped and splintered blanket box, with mothballs scattered through.
There are lace curtains, fading yellow. There is no memory of you.
Windows streaked and dirty, the latches rusted through.
Thre is a locket on the dresser. There is no memory of you.

Shadowed corners don't betray the secrets you have kept.
A patchwork quilt lays crumpled on the place where you once slept.
Heavy hangs the musty air, and no trace of you lingers.
Cobwebs twine around the rings, once worn on your fingers.

Weathered floorboards underfoot, and old rug wearing through.
There are scattered broken photo frames. There is no memory of you.
Letters with no words upon the pages I've read through.
There are dried flowers on the pillowcase. There is no memory of you.

Papered walls, so vibrant, now are fading daffodils.
Pot plants pre-arranged, remain, upon the windowsills.
Above your bed you had scratched your name in secrecy.
Revealed in time by pictures that now hang unevenly.

Open drawers do not reveal sentiments to view.
Hidden doors do not appear and open onto you.
As I close the door behind me, cold winds whisper through.
There is nothing to remind me. There is no memory of you.

Bella Magic

Epitaphs Remain

No real reason I wrote this, well none I can remember. It was more that I wanted to try a different writing style - for this I was trying for a 'theatrical, shakesperean' vibe. Ahh my romantic heart. I love words!

Epitaphs Remain

Twilight ebbs and spreads its shadowed wings across the evening
He sits upon the cobbled stairs, so still and barely breathing
Statue stone, he cannot lift his head
It hurts so much, he turns away instead

Crimson red fall the desperate tears of past he's crying
Howling like a wolf, at the wind, he keeps denying
Bitter cold, he calls for her in vain
The ghosts of lovers' lost and only epitaphs remain

So long ago when velvet balck midnight stole the evening
He fell upon the cobbled stairs, defiant, disbelieving
Screaming out "my love, don't go away"
but she was diamons smiling in the sky and couldn't stay

Helplessly, he lent against the balustrade recalling
The first time that he saw her and in seconds he was falling
To love here was what he was born to do
Why would cruel heavens scoop down and steal a love so true

Helplessly he stared ahead where waves of fury roar
Why had he not warned her not to walk upon the shore?
Regrets pound at his heart like stabbing pain
The ghost of lovers' lost and only epitaphs remain

Her presence was so golden, he swore he'd touched the sun
Passion flamed with mirrored souls, two had become one
She belonged to him and he'd remind her
He raised himself on cobbled stones, he had to go and find her

Shaking as he stumbled over rocks beneath his feet
Icy winds whipped him with his own tears of defeat
Numb he throws himself upon the ground
Falling on the part of earth, close to where she drowned

"Mourning turns the purest soul to black, my love" he cried
Submerging in the water in his quest to reach her side
On whispered tortured wings, he frees his pain
The ghost of lovers' lost and only epitaphs remain

Begins eternal is his very search to find his half
Spirits strong above the life, we live like fragile glass
In twilight, souls collide, two lovers sure
Peaceful now they know they'll hold their love forever more

So tragic is the tale of lovers lost upon these pages
The broken bonds of torn romance echoes through the ages
Do we believe that true souls unite as same
And in ghosts of lovers' lost when only epitaphs remain

Bella Magic